yuk, just..yuk!

That is the feeling I have right now. For the past couple days, I have been trying to write a post that explains a lot of things about me, and will also be (after the hellish anxiety that follows it), hopefully very healing. I just can't get there...maybe I'm scared because I know how freeing it will be. I told my man about this blog, but was very vague about it and told him its more of a personal diary. He says he won't read it if I. Don't want him to, but I'm thinking maybe that might be easier than actually having to talk to him about it. It will be embarassing, he'll think I'm insane. He'll hear things he doesn't remember about that night, he'll hear things that he had no idea about. Okay, no more beating around the bush, it's about the last time I got high. And the first and only time I got high with him. I've now been clean for almost 4 years now, but when I met him i'd been clean for almost a year and a half...until one night when it seemed like a good idea. IT WAS NOT. But...that whole experience is for another post, but hey...atleast I'm getting closer, and I only moderately feel like I'm going to puke.